♥ The last time you made me smile. ♥
Saturday, November 16, 2013 ( 3:40:00 AM )
My mood can get a pretty off these days. Hell yeah. 'Cos the reason is you.
When will I ever get sick of listening to music, updating my music playlist, watching movies, Korean drama marathon, playing candy crush. It's not that I'm free. I have exams! But I'm not studying. It just shows that I spent a lot of my time alone. And to tell you the truth, I am starting to feel sick of it you know.
Does it even takes a lot of effort to text and say hi? Or even ask how do you do or if you have eaten? Those kind of moments doesn't exist anymore and I really don't want to love you for the wrong reasons now. Do you even know how hard for me to refrain myself from calling you "baby" or "dear" like I used to. I don't want those kind of words to sound cheap & I guess I'm not that kind of loving girl anymore. Because, at the end of the day, it will hurt to know that when you have already given your best shot. The other party takes it for granted or couldn't appreciate you as much as you have had appreciated them. Thus, it will be better if you had stop chasing love.
All those dears and babies, you have to earn it back if you want me to say it. But hey, I guess its "normal" for you to feel that way right. When you tell her that she is your girlfriend but you are declaring to your friends that she is your friend. Not just a normal friend, but to one of your close friends? When she sacrifices her studies just to study together with you. But during break time, you just had to go for breaks with your friends whereas she had to look for someone else to have a break time with. One moment it's like you are together, the next moment you acted like we are strangers. Is that even normal or what? As I'm typing these, I'm trying so hard to keep my mind mentally sane because I don't know if could hang it on any longer.
The day before I heard that you were being cheeky with other girls, I had a cut on my right knee. Yeah, wounds heal; scars remains. Till date, I am afraid that I will scare myself to only eventually realised that the scar is for real. It's like you know when they say that before you heard about the bad news, you will get some signs. Something like that.
I'm sorry that I have to listen to what others are saying. Deep down inside I know there are certainly truths in it.
Also, it's a bit pathetic that I am desperately looking for someone to talk to about all these. And always, I ended up talking to myself. I know friends won't be there for me forever. and I can't just whine all of these to them. I just have to survive a love like war on my own. It's a sad kind of thing that if I was there to mend your broken heart-ache, you were blinded to see that I need you to mend mine. But, where art thou'? I'm already starting to get tired of crying behind closed doors. I mean, if you really wanted an independent girl. Does it mean that you can go around flirting like that. You are inviting them in. Do you know that? Maybe one girl is not enough for a guy.
I'm done saying. I'll shut the door to my communications. I hope I can stay strong. Stop whining. I can do this.Labels: mr.a
♥ A Little Random. ♥
Saturday, July 27, 2013 ( 11:10:00 PM )
Sometimes your mind can get a little messed up.. to complicate things even more when it is already complicated. And to just talk about work, it makes me feel like this. Shitty complicated.
Haish. (*On a side note, I don't even know if 'shitty complicated' really existed.. HAHAHAHAHA, no doubt it rhymes)
And yet again, every single time I blogged.. I will always mention that it had been a long time since I last blogged!! Haha.. Oh well.. who does really blogged these days? Tell me. Usually people have long left what they had started and move on to new stuffs as technology advances. That's right, sometimes it just gets harder to keep up with the pace in this world. And sometimes although with so many things going on. You just feel your presence, or rather existence, and you've got that moment where nothing else really matters.
Just so you know, I tried accessing this blog yesterday or the day before. But don't know what kindda happened, it just doesn't load. Yeah.. the internet connection maybe. I feel like today is the time where I find myself time to just do anything and whatever I want. Soooo long since I've felt this free. Haha. I know righttt?! FREEEEEEEEEEEE.
Ok. That's it. Let's just stop here before I go on and on and on. Adios, chaos.Labels: Just blabber it out
♥ Listen To My Sunday. ♥
Sunday, February 17, 2013 ( 2:04:00 PM )
I hate it especially.. when it's a Sunday and I can't get to meet you. So much for it's a day for both of us to spend time together. Now, it seems to me that it's just crap. Spending time together on every Sundays don't exist anymore. It's like.. if we free, oooh yeah we can meet. That's it. So next time, don't ever teach me how to prioritise. When I know we are suppose to go out on Sundays. And the next thing that happen, we don't get to see each other. And it's really affecting my Sunday. Because I can get damn UPSET. And it's gonna be my terrible Sunday.
One moment I thought I'm very much in love. Another moment I'm not. Is this how love suppose to make you feel....like this? I need that someone, who can understand me like how I can be understanding to evertything he does. But you lied. you said Sunday we can meet but, ended up we cant.
On a side note, this blog is getting more emo with my posts.Labels: mr.a
♥ Because, Life Is.. ♥
Sunday, November 4, 2012 ( 9:52:00 AM )
Life.
Will there be someone who's gonna teach me how to cope with it.
It's tough. Getting harder than I thought.
Before it's too late. Before I'd say WHATEVER.
Because..
It brings no meaning when you're lonely.
It brings no meaning when you're talking to yourself.
Of course there are others who cares.
But for others who wish to be a part of your life and now they're not.
They'd start not to notice you even when you're trying to get their attention.
In just any moment now. I can say,
- I GIVE UP.Labels: mad about you
♥ A One-way Communication. ♥
Sunday, October 21, 2012 ( 1:04:00 PM )
Now..
There's nothing much to talk about already. There's nothing much to share 'bout each other.
Only one thing in common - school. Yeah, that's the one thing that we can talk about.
I keep on telling myself that this is not what I want. But as days goes by, I can't help it but just to let it pass.
And so..
No longer want to waste my time going out and do some soul searching. Waste money, waste time.
I'll just sit here, home alone. Do whatever I can - blogging, listening to music, online movies.
Labels: Thoughts and wonders
♥ What if.. It happens? ♥
Monday, October 8, 2012 ( 10:29:00 PM )
What happens if the one you love, don't like you anymore. What happens, when they found someone new. What happens when they suddenly realize that you may not be the best for them? What happens when you thought you've found love, but you've had it lost.
Well, honestly.. I just dunno how to react anymore.
Sad but true. We're going through every single day without knowing what will happen next. And to wait for something to happen is starting to purely waste my time. For simple reason, I'm getting bored. I've never felt much lonelier in any kind of relationships before. If only you know.. how much I would do anything and everything for you right now.
Some part of me likes him. The other part of me.. hates him. Bottomline, I just don't get it you know with what I'm feeling.
Perhaps its just time to tell myself to just chillax.
♥ Tough Love ♥
Monday, August 13, 2012 ( 10:03:00 AM )
Life can get a little complicated now..
Within a month, someone can just become a person that I used to know.. Seriously? I can't even bring myself to believe that things are happening this way. What's the meaning of happiness (in relationships).. I'm looking for it right now.
To get started on what happened, basically me and him fought. I think it looks like he's changed, and he blames it on me that its not fair for me to blame him when we didn't get to meet. Thinking of all the possibilities to reason things out just won't work.
The ego is sooo high that even no matter what I said, you'd still think and do whatever you want. After I lost my previous bf 5 years ago, I thought that I should treat the current one better. But little did I know that.. it's only me who gets concerned 'bout everything else. It feels like I'm tasting my own medicine after what I've done.
Trying to be nice to someone.. this is what I get. Yes, I can't request to be happy all the time 'cos life has its up and down. But still.. I was hoping that I could have the strength to be stronger than this.
So many things I want to do.. So many place I want to go.. But if that one person can't bring me, and he doesn't want to do that with me.. what's the use? To the point that I'm so tempted to say.. at any moment if you feel that I'm just someone whom you've mistakenly fallen in love with, you can just leave.
Words are just words. It doesn't seem to mean anything. I've lost my trust in you. I love you & I miss you, its just letters and alphabets to confuse someone. And with these words, I'm not determined that it can bring me happiness. Welcome to the life of tough love.Labels: mr.a, shut up and let me go
