♥ Teary Eyes. ♥
Sunday, May 27, 2012 ( 9:21:00 AM )
Why does it hurt so much now. And I could just cry and cry and cry thinking about it. Isn't there other way out? I'm suffering in silence.
When something's not right, I have the utmost habit of waking up early. And gosh, to cry every night for consecutive 3 days.. my head is giving me a terrible headache now. But what to do.. love gives you a terrible terrible headache. Plus, a heartache. Way too terrible heartache.
Come to think of it, talking to him is like diffusing a bomb. The moment you'll say something wrong, he'll explode. Next, you'll know, you're dead.. or in a deep shit at least. No no, you can't expect you'll escape that. In the end, you'll be trap.
We've been silence for a day now i.e. yesterday. And fights since 2 days before yesterday. I guess its the worst one so far. Guys are just way too difficult to say the word, sorry. Being a girl, I've already said sorry twice. Not him. Things still and will continue to suck this way. Is he even listening that I even said "Sorry"? I can't help it to think that why is it everytime.. it's all 'bout him.. him.. him.. and ONLY HIM. I've got feelings too you know. Right now, to not understand what I feel and to not be able feel what he feel.. it's really a big eye opener for me in this relationship. state Atrocious. Someone who tells you that if whatever you do, they also can you do. If you can hide, everyone also can hide. If you can lie, everyone also can lie.
Ooh well. Tears fall from my eyes again.. Haish, prolly if i continue like this, I'll just end up with a depression. And he doesn't care. He can only think 'bout himself.
I'm really in a bad shape now. Seriously. Let's say if I were to tell you some kind of bad news, at least you could show some sympathy right? This one, he'll just pinpoint that you've done wrong again. Actually, do you know that you're really good at pin pointing mistakes? Whatever fights that I've gone through is all about me who's done wrong? Have I ever confronted you with whatever wronged you've done? I even put up with every single bit of it. To even stand up for someone who "fitnah", cause problem between two people. (I can't believe I even do that) Now, to put up with a fight that someone calls you a liar? I don't think I'm born for that. Because I dun even know what's worth fighting for.
To make things even more difficult, you don't want to listen to whatever I said. It's just the same as I'm talking without the sound of my voice and my mouth just seem its moving. Yeah, the tv's being mute. My explanations seem like I'm making up stories to justify myself. But really, its the truth. Oh, I forgot. You called me a liar. So the truth now is a lie..
I'll try my best to forget his number. Until the day, he comes to mend my brokenheart and say sorry. If not, I'll remember till the day I die. Bring it to my grave.
Ok, lastly, before I go off.. I wanna say that.. he mentioned he's dissapointed that I keep things away from him. God knows what else I keep away from him. And for me to think that he will leave me because of my embarassing father, he thinks I'm in the wrong. Okay. So if you say that you won't leave me. Then prove it. So if you want to know what I kept away from you, then go and find out. It's not gonna be me doing all the stuff now. We started things off by being awkward. So now, it will continue to be awkward.
You used me when you need me. You pushed me when you don't. You're great at doing that. When I need you, where were you? Out with friends, sleeping, bla bla bla.
People love someone with their hearts, not their mind. Think too much, can't feel that much.
Thanks to you, I can't believe a person like myself exist in this world. And if I really thought 'bout changing, I will not look back. At least, I'm still thankful that I have others who cared 'bout me when I'm down. To be filled with so much love and warm from families and friends. Alhamdulillah.Labels: i hate you so much now, i'll live for a better tommorow
♥ Apakan daya. ♥
Friday, May 25, 2012 ( 7:34:00 PM )
Adakah salah untuk seorang wanita memberi tahu seorang lelaki perkara yang sebenar, walaupun bukan pada masa yang tepat?
Aku telah mengecewakan teman lelaki ku.
Tetapi hati ku, turut kecewa juga.
Labels: i'll live for a better tommorow
♥ Silence. ♥
Thursday, May 24, 2012 ( 11:28:00 AM )
You do not intend to reply me, do you?
After I gave it much thought, in this relationship, I'm not gonna think with my heart.
Start thinking with my mind. I wish to keep in saying this as long as it takes.
What I've been through, I've realized that I'm getting weaker by being too nice.
He's getting quiet as usual. In the middle of this exam period, I do not really want to disturb him.
All I can say is that when he's angry, he'll just keep quiet. He'll neglect me.
One thing I'm not sure 'bout is.. what is he angry with?
Is it 'bout me taking my time to tell him what he should know.
Or is it about me, being born in this kind of family. I, honestly, don't get it.
Well, if you really want someone perfect.. you can start searching. Because I am not.
And I can't be the perfect one.Labels: shut up and let me go
♥ A Moment In Time. ♥
Wednesday, May 23, 2012 ( 11:29:00 AM )
I'm not feeling very very good now. Tears fall down my cheeks like my body has this unlimited supply of tear drops.
It all started yesterday, when I told him something that he thought I was hiding all along from him. It's not that I would want to hide it from you forever. I was gonna tell you, but I can't bring myself to say it. And then now you think that I don't ever want to tell you. God knows, I wanted to. And the moment you've called to find out whatever you want to find out from me, you don't wanna meet me. I felt used, a little bit.
My paper's this friday. And the thought about you keeps coming in my mind. It's like its trapped inside, and whatever I've said to you.. it has been on replay. And so, if you've ever said that you don't think it'll change anything. Well, I think you're lying. The fact that the way you've treated me as compared to the daily usual.. it's different now. I can't bring myself to tell the people around me what's happening. So it all gonna remain here.
I'm sorry that I didn't meet your expectations. All I can say is, I'm only human.
Labels: life is the way it is
