This may be my last time, eversince I told you.. I love you.

Can I strictly self-declare that life is such a bore. Because when life is single.. what can you do? Sit in front of comp.. watch online videos.. listen to songs.. blogging.. hang out to catch up times with frens, blablabla.

Today I just went out.. to celebrate Rashid’s 13th Birthday. and I was invited by late bf mum to have lunch together. with late bf’s sister and her family. and aunts and uncles..
Basically many2 people eating big feast together.

But sumhow I felt that life is incomplete without him. i mean I cannot help but to think.. How life would be when he is around. For example, instead of me eating such feast with his family.. It would be him. And how would he behave.. Like the words he will speak.. Or the jokes that he will say that will make everyone laugh.. Or what will he eat? All these are running in my head.

Maybe even if today, I won’t be blogging and I would have gone out with him on a date? Its obvious that I couldn’t put the past behind. If I am single with my ex bf still being alive.. I dun mind. Or if I am single, with no one to love.. my life would be carefree.. With nothing to worry. All I have to do is to focus my interests on my studies. or whatever reasons any break up would be.. I would be enjoying life.. being single and getting over boys very fast.

But now my single is different. Its just seems too hard to explain. Its all about loving someone whom u can’t have.. whom doesn’t really physically exist, where u and him are already in diff worlds apart. Oh well.. these thoughts could just make me cry.. Because I am still craving for love from whom I have loved.

School seems to already disinterest me. With the school work keeps on piling up.. I dun have the mood to do any of it ah. Maybe my inner self-motivation has already gone far far away. Eversince the day he go away. My grades drop. But I manage to at least pass. Thankfully. Or maybe I purposely make my grades drop because I purposely dun want to study? Ahhh. Whatever.

Now, all I want to do is to think where life would take me to. Where would I go in the future. Where would I be? What would I do in the future?

My mission for now is clear. I want to repay kindness when I grow up. Hopefully, I am able to.

Okay.. I know I have talked a lot. That whenever I post blog or write stuff.. I will write until so many. Maybe inside my heart I have been talking about so many things. Well, I am just pouring things out frm my heart lah.

In times like this, I do wish I could socialize more. Because I used to have someone to go out with anytime or msg anytime. But now.. I only talk to myself.. and go out myself. I am socializing myself.

Nah,.. no need to pity me. Maybe that’s my life for now. And I can cope with that.